The thrilling conclusion

Ok, well I said I would post again, but I really don't have much else to say about the 360 other than the fact that is a very ghey name. The main reason I like Xbox was because of its superior hardware, and unfortunately this system won't have that advantage. However the whole Xbox Live system seems to be really awesome. That is one of the things I loved about this system. It was so organized and had a clean feel to it. While I doubt the PS3 will make the same mistake it did with it's previous system, I still feel as if Microsoft really hit the proverbial nail on the head with Xbox Live.

But what do you care about Xbox 360, it won't be out for another 6 months. In the meanwhile why don't you learn something about the greatest guy who ever ripped off his own left nut and made a hole-in-one in Adolf Hitler's mouth from 400 yards away, Vin Diesel.

The most fun you've had with a circle

Tonight at 9:30 I believe (Eastern Standard Time) MTV aired a special unveiling the Xbox 360 for the first time (unless you count all the leaked footage that came out before today). Xbox.com has changed in order to get ready for the new console which is still half a year away from launch. It looks like a very good system so far. Impressive hardware, a promising online setup, and kinda meh lineup of games all sound like they can lead to a pretty successful launch. A lot of sites have info about the 360, but I find TeamXbox's to be the most informative. I have more to post, but it is late and I must make like a 50 year old Mexican trans-sexual prostitute and go to bed. I will be sure to put more content up tomorrow.

Beg pardon?

Over the cource of a day of surfing the world wide interweb, I have some odd converations with Patrick. Well I thought who am I to deprive the world of such disturbing and mindless drivle? So from now on, Patrick and I will post random quotes from our conversations hopefully pretty often. We will still do regular stuff, but these will provide as shameless excuses for half-way decent posts. Enjoy.

cozmicfool516: well, ure doing a bad job
SpazMuffin803: Thats what your mom said
cozmicfool516: yea, iwas there

**Exhausted moan**

Four words can describe my past 2 weeks. Good golly, Miss Molly. For any of you who know about A.P. exams, then you know they were created by Satan himself when he got bored one Tuesday night because it was raining and his satellite T.V. went out and he couldn't watch "Gilmore Girls". Especially A.P. European history. I have been studying for two weeks and I probably still did terrible. The sheer amount of protein that was dedicated to my brain rendered me sterile for the past two weeks. I thought my ovaries were going to implode, but now my sperm count is raising at an almost frighteningly fast rate. God, sometimes I wish paper towels were included.

But that is my excuse for not posting. Now this is going to be a pretty crappy post because I have no new material. Some new stuff for Halo 2 like new playlists have been released to hopefully increase Halo 2 online ratings. But I still love UC2, lately my online experience has been flawless. However I know it greatly depends on your xbox. For instance my newer xbox plays it pretty well, and Patrick's old launch box begs for death as soon as the game enters the tray. Also I really want to play Splinter Cell co-op online lately, but Patrick and I can no longer join each other's party. I think it has to do with my crappy router. Note to self, if you find a router on sale for $15, don't buy it. It may have to do with us living close to each other or some stuff like that. If anyone can help, email me or leave a comment.

Ok, well like I said, I have no material, I just didn't want you guys (all 2 of you) to think I died, or did I? Wait, no, I didn't. If possible I will try to post tomorrow (emphasis on "try"). Until then, remember America, kangaroos don't take kindly to anyone over the age of 47 eating cole slaw out of their marsupious pouches.

What is a...

manamana?

Proving Pat right since 2005

Hey, would you look at that, I am making a post about how great Unreal Championship 2 is. Well, what can I say. The core gameplay hasn't changed since the demo, and the demo was rock solid. The additional weapons are great, considering my two favorite weapons weren't in the demo, the shotgun-esque flak cannon, and the ever popular shock rifle. I seem to be flying through the single player which isn't that bad (especially because I changed it to novice for one level, then forgot it was on and beat one more level with it). The story is engrossing and since the game moves at a lightning fast pace (and from the looks of it will be over at one too) the story keeps moving enough to keep you interested. And I haven't given up hope on Apophis just yet...

Anyway, that's not what Unreal is about. I tried playing online for a little bit. It is pretty good except for one match that was lag-tastic. But the host didn't know his upload speed so he was probably just hosting, not being aware that his connection fornicated with several donkeys. One thing I knew before the game came out was the games ommision of Live 3.0 features (voice messages, clans, etc) While it still works, I just liked having all those features even if I didn't use them. Hopefully lag will decrease and I didn't play on any dedicated servers yet. And maybe if Jared (Darkness) wanted to use his super Jesus black magic internet and host some games...

Oh yeah, I also played Halo 2 after the update was released. I noticed that melee was stronger and dual wielding was weaker. Not so much about nades. However the game still felt lame. You have to whore, camp, rinse, lather, repeat in order to get anywhere. Not to mention having teammates with the mental capacity of a sasquach fetus with down syndrome sure as hell doesn't help the situation. As for a link, you can find some videos of the yet to be released downloadable maps here.

What was old is new again

Splinter Cell rules. Unreal will rule. I thought nothing would bring me back to Halo 2 but boy was I wrong. In their Weekly What's Update Bungie tells of how they are pulling an "out with new, in with the old". They are changing Halo 2, and for the better, by making it more like Halo 1.

Some changes include decreasing the grenades fuses and making grenades stronger (which also affects the brute shot). Melee will be much more powerful, and moves such as a jumping melee will almost always be lethal. Certain dual wielded weapons are weakened, such as the SMG, plasma rifle, and magnum.

In short, they seem to be listening to the huddled masses of Halo 1 fanboys. I can't wait for the changes, and luckfully I won't have to wait long. Why you ask, because the auto-update will be released through out the course of this upcoming Monday(The same day UC2 comes out, decisions decisions). Excited? Yeah, I am too.

P.S.- How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five, one to screw it in, and four others to say, "Fabulous!"

Genius

"these guys are messing with you Sisko

what you do is tie a noose in a six-foot length of rope, tie it to a wooden slat on a ceiling, climb up onto a chair, place the noose around your neck and jump off of the chair, essentially strangulating yourself, unless the drop breaks your neck

simple enough"

The post can be seen here.

Two for the show...

Can't talk much again. Just posting a LINK to an awesome Unreal Championship 2 movie. You might call it a spoiler but it is just part of an early cut-scene, don't worry. Also, the guy who is speaking throughout the whole thing is foreign. I don't know what he is saying, but I don't really care.

P.S.- Can your cleaner do this?

One for the money...

I am just posting this link now so I won't forget. I know it is sort of old, but tough. I'll comment on it later. All I will say is ElonGAYtion looks like it could be good, that is if it wasn't having sex with 5 men at once.

P.S.- Pat, quit being such jerk face and post already!

SC:CT = Teh roxors

I can't begin to describe the hotness that is Splinter Cell. I haven't finished the single player yet but I will say as of now (UC2 is coming) this is my most favoritist game ever. The story is cool, the graphics are great, and everything else about it plain old rocks. I don't want to get too in depth for fear of giving away a spoiler of something.

Co-op is great. Patrick and I have played it a couple of time and at first were met with some "problems" such as being dropped from our session every couple of minutes. But when we did get into it, it was great. Except for how I set off 4 alarms... Aside from that the co-op moves are great. I love seeing a guy walking towards me only the get bitch-owned by Patrick from the rear. And having 2 highly trained spies exchanging orders such as, "Pat, drop that black man like he's hot" is just, as I said before, teh roxors.

But, I do have a problem with this game. It is more my fault than it's but I cannot play the Spies Vs Mercenaries part of the game. I just can't. Since I haven't played Pandora Tomorrow's version of this I am way behind compared to veterans of that part of the game. Also, I just don't like it. Being a spy sucks. There are cameras and motion detectors everywhere. I can't take two steps with out setting off some alarm. Being a mercenary is not as bad though. I enjoy having a shotty and waiting for the spies to come to me. But the levels are so big and intricate and you only have one other team mate to help you. I know many other people love this game, but I just don't.

Aside from me sucking at the SvM mode, this game is great and is an early contender for game of the year. And let me say, an inverted neck snap is the most satisfying thing you can do in any game. As shown in this picture...

Invite'em if ya got 'em

For those of you as interested in UC2 as I am you can find a couple of movies showcasing some real gameplay HERE. I don't know where it came from but it certainly looks great.

Also I was very disappointed to find out that no stores near me are selling Splinter Cell 3 today. If you spend 2 seconds on any SC:CT forum you can see that it has been released in certain areas already. I am nervous about this game because aside from not owning any of the other Splinter Cell games, I feel as if I am going to be a major n00b when it comes to the Spies Vs Mercenaries mode. I have watched Patrick play it and it seemed so nerve wracking. It is dark, and quiet, and you pretty much have to memorize every aspect of the map you play on in order to get anywhere in it. But I hope it won't be that bad, because I certainly wouldn't want be "analized" every time I attempt to play.

And know I have offered this before, and I know it is hardly "exclusive" anymore and almost everyone has one, but if anyone is interested in a g-mail invite leave a comment on this post with your email or drop me a line at john.outwater@gmail.com

DLC - Whoop-de-do

I know this information is late but I just haven't had time to post it. As many of you know Bungie has released official information concerning Halo 2 download content. Their article can be read HERE.

However to make things short, there are going to be 9 new maps.

2 free maps and 2 premium (cost money) maps are going to be released in late April. The two premium maps will cost $6 (for both).

Then on June 28 the 5 remaining maps will be released. This package will cost $12.

At that same time a disk which can be bought for those without Live will be released. The disk will cost $20 and contain all the maps, an auto-update that will fix common glitches and cheats, and some extra stuff (documentaries and crap).

And by the end of summer all of this content will be available for free on Live, guaranteeing everyone can play in all the updated matchmaking playlists.

Now, for someone like me, I have taken a long break from Halo 2. With games like SC:CT and UC2 on the horizon I doubt I will get that back into Halo 2. I will buy all the content online and I will probably buy the disk for the extra stuff and just to have it. But, I must say these maps (at least from the few released screenshots) look very impressive. Especially "Turf" a barren city map. However I think Bungie is taking to long to release this. I know they want to get rid of all the glitches and make sure these levels don't turn out like every other level in the game. But by waiting for the release of such great games mentioned previously I think they might lose a lot of people. Not that it matters because there will still be millions that play.

But I will say, I am WAY more excited about Unreal than this new content.

The new hotness...s

Ok, to start off with, Halo 2 is fine and all, but it got old, quick. And even though download content is on the horizon, I doubt it will make matters that much better. But fear not, because in the next month two of the greatest looking games of all time come out. And luckfully there are demos of both of them in the March edition of Official Xbox Magazine.

Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory. This game looks amazing. The graphics are insanely awesome, and really shouldn't be able to be generated on the Xbox. It looks like a fully loaded Alienware PC would struggle with it. And it has gameplay to back up all the good looks. With the new co-op mode and the returning Spies vs. Mercenaries mode, this game looks like it will keep anyone busy online or off. Not to mention hanging from a pole above an enemy and snapping their neck while belting out an "Oh snap!" is so satisfying... and sad.

While SC:CT boarders on real life level of realism, Unreal Championship 2 is an overly violent and fantasy based shooter. Now I really shouldn't have to explain much more because if you are reading my blog odds are you found the link on a forum. And if you have the spare time to read a gaming forum you should definitely know what the Unreal francaise is about. However UC2 is unlike any other Unreal game, so I guess I did have to explain it. Imagine Halo, on crack, and no vehicles. I know that sounds like a bum that lives in the downtown district of **Enter name of where you live here**. However it has the option of a 3rd person mode and the ability to use melee combat. And I'm not talking shotgun butt to the face melee, I mean Cryostaffs and Energy swords choppin' the competition into little delicious bite size pieces.

With SC:CT being released March 31st (can vary on where you live), UC2 on April 18(if it isn't delayed anymore), and Halo 2 download content...eventually, anyone with an Xbox and a Live subscription should be kept more than busy for the next couple of months.

P.S.- I just saw that sour Skittle's commercial with the sour man. I love that man, I love him good.

Short and...

simple. Two words describing Patrick. If he doesn't post soon I'm going to go jack-o-lantern on his ass.

Fashionably late

Ugh, I am such a bitch. I know I promised a post on either last Saturday or last Sunday, and I didn't. Oh golly, I know I'm going to be walking down the street and some random naked 40 year old man who reads my blog is going to get all mad and own me. Oh well, now that both me and Patrick are back expect me to snap out of my non-posting ways. And before I forget, expect very soon a tribute to one of the most famous pixel blasting spaceships. Props go to Pat for the following game which is about this countries national pass time, hitting Japanese people with bicycles.

Ok, it wasn't that great of a post but it was better than nothing so hopefully my tribute will be tribute-tastic and Patrick will post. Until next time I leave you with a very unhappy cat.

Passing glance

Wow, this week has been crazy. Non-stop homework, tests, and essays. I don't think I have ever gone this long without updating and unfortunately this is going to be steaming shat of a post. But on the bright side I will probably be able to put together a half way decent post sometime over the weekend. And don't expect anything from me or Pat all of next week. So until either Saturday or Sunday I leave you the wisdom of white ninja.

P.S. I am getting rid of those Halo 2 stat trackers for now only because they are spreading the template and messing the site up. Until I can fix this, if you must know our stats for me check out my gamertag SpazMuffin and for Patrick check out Pooch 516.

Why didn't I think of this?

Over the past couple of years great strides have been made in the field of automotive technology. Televisions built into the car, seat warmers, GPS. However it just takes a simple invention to revolutionize the car as we know it. And its name is the Trunk Monkey. It can handle various activtivites, most importantly flinging feces. Love the trunk monkey, embrace the trunk monkey, have the trunk monkey's childeren.

Was it worth it?


Cat: I should have killed you when I had the chance...

Picture from http://brian.is.a.rootboy.net


The ugliest thing ever...I can't

Posted by John
Created by the warped fragile mind of Patrick